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Friday, 28 May 2010
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I feel like I have no reason to be here. I don't get on with my friends anymore, my boyfriend talks to me like crap and i'm just generally lost without a clue what to do. Everyone is always asking me what I want to do after college and I haven't got a clue. I'm not going to uni but I don't want to work full time at my job. I have no idea what I want to do as a career. I wish I was a stronger person. I wish I could just say to my boyfriend "you know what, you pick up the pieces this time, you fix everything because i'm done." But I can't.
I'M SO FED UP. -
I DON'T DESERVE THIS
Me:
boooo
19:58Sam
hiiii
just read that mail
what are you going to do then?
19:59Me
dont know yet have to speak to them
are you busy?
19:59Sam
nope, i came home early coz i feel like shit
20:00Me
oh i take it you dont want to come over then?
20:00Sam
no sorry
20:00Me
oh
i really want to see you
20:01Sam
sorry
20:01Me
whats wrong?
20:01Sam
i dont feel well
and i dont want to take it out on you
20:02Me
it sounds stupid but i really miss you i just need a cuddle
do you not want to come just for a bit?
20:04Sam
no megan
sorry
20:04Me
alright sam ive done nothing wrong. all i want to do is see you
20:04Sam
liiike i said, i dont ant to take it out on you
20:05Me
you said i made you feel better last week
im feeling like you did that other saturday. you really wanted to see me and just spend some time with me, thats how i feel
20:07Me
please sam just for a bit :(
20:07Sam
no megan i dont want to, im just going to go to sleep
20:08Me
you're being really different?
20:08Sam
im ill! ergh
20:08Me
please sam i feel like shit and i really need to just spend some time with you
i hate it when you're like this with me
can i ring you quick?
20:09Sam
no? why are you being so clingy? i just want to sleep
20:09Me
i just want to talk!
20:10Sam
well i dont! why cant you get that?
and how has this turned into an argument?
20:10Me
because you're being different with me and i dont know why
and thanks im clingy now am i because i want to see or speak to you
20:12Me
can you just speak to me quickly?
20:13Me
i dont want to sit here ringing you for you to just ignore me. will you just speak to me? i havent actually done anything wrong
20:15Me
sam just speak to me i deserve that much!
20:16Sam
JESUS MEGAN I WAS ON THE PHONE
fucking hell i cant be away for 5 minutes without you flipping out
20:16Me
how was i suppose to know? what the hell have i done to make you speak to me like this?
20:17Sam
i said i didnt want to talk
20:17Me
im your girlfriend
and i just wanted to talk quickly and you cant even give me that much
20:18Sam
wow, im going
20:18Me
just talk to me sam
20:18Sam
no!!!!
fucking hell
20:18Me
why?
20:42Sam is offline.
Monday, 24 May 2010
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I can forgive but I can't forget.
Sooo this weekend was not good.
I went to my friend's 18th on Saturday and got way too drunk and messed up too many of my relationships.
I argued with my boyfriend and things got way out of hand. Fair enough he was drunk but I didn't deserve to be spoken to the way I was. My friend was mad at me for 'ruining her birthday' when she doesn't realise I didn't do it on purpose I was just drunk and didn't know what I was doing.
Anyway...I sorted things with the boyfriend but I'm not sure if things are fully back on track yet. I forgave him for the way he spoke to me but I can't forget it. I told him I can but I can't. I know I should be honest but he'll give up on us if I tell him I can't move on from it.
I argued with two of my best friends at the beach about it today. One of them I have fixed things with...the other isn't looking so good. I can forgive them but I can't forget. They both said some really horrible things. The friend I have made up with is hoping I can forgive and forget. I told her I won't be forgetting it. How can you truly go back to normal when she expressed what she really thought of me? And they were NOT good things.
Eurgh. I know no one reads this but it feels good to vent.
Monday, 01 February 2010
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Crushed...
It's amazing how someone
can break your heart and
you can still love them
with all the little pieces.
Friday, 11 December 2009
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Wow...
Wow I really should start using this thing. But I don't actually think people would read it!
To whoever stumbles across my page I'm simply here to explore the world of Xanga, as you can see I don't keep up with this thing and I find it all a little confusing ;)
I live in England
I'm 18
I love my friends, family and my boyfriend
And I plan to travel and volunteer in various countries next year :D
If you want to chat, leave a message :D
Megan x
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